velvety friend

if not for you i'd drowned in all those teardrops that haunt me
run off my cheek and dip on my bottom lip

salty taste but bitterly swallowed
capsules for lonliness, flaw-filled medicine
for a lackluster dance,

but you, you saved me my velvety friend
in my self demise you prolonged my dance
soothed my pallate, enriched my thoughts
the quick fix i had always sought

like the "Man" i had become
i boistrously reached for another one
and when you decided to leave me
and take all the fun with you
the lights were no more bright,
His blood i had disavowed and in that divine rejection
i had to swallow another bitter pill
now i reached manhood i'm half the man i used to be

Pink Pathetic Pink

Pink Pink
Baby happy pink
Rosie cheeks
And puppy love winks
Fair hair woven
A pathetic heart’s stolen
Your back blushing in the fire place
My burden heavy and draconian
“now catapult into outer space”

Warmed by your delicate face
I wish you were warmed
by my pathetic chase.
Thoughts feeding on and clinging to
your every intangible love trace
No! Don’t turn and look
Am I an open book?
Is my heart on my sleeve?
Pathetic enter,
Enter you perverse peeve!
Burden leave!

Old Carsija Skopje

How do they stay so polished?
Millions of them
Friends for centuries
Lying there side by side
revived and living again
Masquerading as a weightless soul’s guide
They breathe from the same pore,
innocent witnesses of love and war
Thick blood, bitter wine, salty tears
Just a bad dream?
Real Balkan fears

A storied fort they hold
Apartments occupied by Ottoman gold
But their occupants suffer of shivery
Their minds are preoccupied
with Yugoslav misery
And now love fractures,
Hope fades and apathy triumphs?

Those granite stones
Braver than I, stronger than thee
Full of life, full of foresight
They know no downfall
They have absorbed all the bitter wine
And this time they masquerade
as love’s sunshine
So chin up little boy
Your Utopia is revived and living again

Empty shoes

In the moment I fell outside of thought
Outside of rationality
And of processing which thought was linked to which emotion
Was it guilt that chained me to the act
Or was it anger that led me to think it was time
For me it was about time
the system in our brain
that leads us to rational thoughts and actions
and separates us from unintelligent species
was replaced by the 'feel'
and the unbounded freedom of instinct
and as the ignition turned off, click

I stepped out,
small splashes for heavy shoes
interrupting the raindrops' natural course,
trajectory
and fateful meeting with the asphalt
the first drop on my thick black hair
it momentarily sticks
then gives up and runs down
subsequently, drops
two, three, and four
two's on my shoulder
balancing and dancing with gravity
it doesn't stick
three is lingering
in the space between my forearm
and bicep
it trickles around to my elbow,
and sprints to my index finger and
gravity wins
it cannot stick
four splashes on my neck
it wants to stick
raising the small hairs on my back
journeying up and down
the bumps of my spine
circling my raised hairs
a cross country trip
abruptly halted then absorbed
by the pig skinned cylinder
of my dagger's handle
then instinct drops
gravity takes over
it sticks
just like the dry blood on my blade